The Future is Bright?

As a junior in high school, I realize how amazing it is to be young and uneducated about the real world. At seven years old, I was very ambitious about my career goals. I wanted to be an author (thanks Marc Brown), an actor (thanks Ratatouille), a dancer, and a fashion designer (to spice it up). I had every intention of creating a life that involved all these things as a career path. I miss that dreamer who did not care how outlandish her dreams were: she was going for it.

But she grew up, and she found the boundary of her dreams. She realized that there were people out there who were far better at what she wanted to pursue than she was. Insecurity weakened the tenacity she once had on her dreams at seven years old. Life hit. Life lied. Life stuck around too long. Life brought friends who became house guests, and then permanent residents. She stopped dreaming, because she would never reach her goals. Because she didn’t have the resources and she wasn’t good enough no matter how hard she tried. She was broken and trying to cover up her wounds with smiles and avoidance of the real issues she was having.

That seven-year-old girl grew up, and she started working towards the unfulfilled dreams she had. Cue the six years of personal torment. Six years of chasing a directionless dream that was merely an uninformed child’s idea. She eventually learned that pursuing a dream that has no direction is painful. Six years of hanging on to her desire to give her purpose. She became enslaved to her dream. Addicted to the chaotic familiarity of her dream. The dream of being successful through acting and creating put distance between her and her mom, isolated her in a world ruled by anxiety, fear, and despair.

Her dreams became a bad drug, her existence on life support. A bad mix of friends, deceit, and lies finally drove her to an ultimatum. She, now fifteen and three quarters, had a decision to make. Continue with this broken dream that had only hurt her or create a new narrative? February 21st, she turned 16. She chooses to create a new story for herself. She rediscovers, or discovers, God, the one who’s been there the entire time! They hit it off right away. And for the first time ever she experiences His overwhelming love. She’s found freedom. Her life is improving. Finally, the sun is shining again. She becomes mesmerized by the Father and His Son and she begins turning her whole life over to them. A tedious process that she would never trade for the world. She begins to follow the path that was set out for her and it has been a great and humbling experience.

Now, it’s the second semester of Junior year… sixteen and three fourths, a year since she decided to change her life. Now she is walking into a new year facing new challenges. New anxieties pound at the door of her mind constantly. They shout their lies and create their wild dreams. Fear sits in the back of her mind in his rocking chair making her question everything. She tries to push these voices out, but sometimes they overtake her. “You’re a fraud,” “Everyone is going to find out that you’re not qualified,” fear shouts over and over. “What if you don’t get into any of the colleges that are on your list?” Anxiety shouts. “You haven’t done enough; colleges are not going to accept you.” Anxiety whispers. “You can try as hard as you want to, but you’ll still fail.” The name of the soundtrack her lies have told her: You don’t know what’s next! What if you turn out like you’re Dad? What if all of this time you’ve been making choices that seem good but ruin you in the end? “Be patient whatever the Father has planned for you is going to be the very best thing for you, keep trusting him.” She has grown to love when Truth speaks. Truth silences everyone. When Fear asks the question that exposes her doubts, “What if God’s plan is not what you want?” Fear knows when he asks that question, he is the master of her for a little while. For the little while Fear has a hold on her; he uses all of his power and even gives some to his friends. He usually hands her over to his friend Doubt. He knows Doubt can keep her bond in his presence for a lot longer than he could alone. Doubt is honestly the worst; he makes her question the relationship she’s building with the Father and His Son. Fear wants her to pull away from Father and live inside of the kingdom of fear he built. Watching as Doubt torments her, loving every minute of it. But, she has changed; her life is no longer dedicated to serving Fear. She used to fall for Doubt’s traps and schemes, but now Truth rings out, resounding so loudly that Fear and Doubt have to leave. Truth tells Fear, Doubt, and Anxiety that the plans they had made for the girl previously were ineffective. She no longer surrenders her will to the darkness of Fear and Doubt. Instead, she embraces Faith and Truth, allowing those virtues to guide her thoughts and actions. Truth tells them Fear and Doubt cannot stay with her anymore. She is subscribed to a new plan now and their service is no longer of any use.

She knows her future is bright. But, she still struggles to accept the fact that the brightness of her future is not regulated by how much or little she plans. Rather, her future is bright because she decided to follow the path that was already designed for her. A path that only promised her good things in seemingly unconventional ways. Truth tells her, “Your future cannot be dark, because God doesn’t do the dark, so your future with Him is brighter than you could have ever dreamed about.” She doesn’t know what God has planned for her, but she has to believe that whatever it is will be awesome.

To be completely transparent, following a plan that requires all faith and no in-depth look into the future is tough for her. Because she likes to control things. She has told herself, “When I’m in control everything goes right.” That statement is a lie because none of the plans she has made for herself have been major successes. Self-gratification is far from the path she’s heading down. Instead of self-gratification, the path is paved with humility, honesty, and deep self-awareness. Self-gratification is a beast that needs constant attention. Spending her life taking care of that beast sounds exhausting and time-consuming and life is too short to waste on that. And she knows in the back of her mind that taking care of the beast will eventually land her back in Fear’s kingdom to receive further and more severe torment from Doubt. So, she has made a vow to follow the path that is before her, no matter how hard, uncomfortable, or exhausting it is. Because she knows the rewards on the other side are more than she could ever envision. She’ll hold God’s hand, He’ll hold hers, and they’ll walk this path together, forever and ever.

Sixteen and 3/4. The year proceeding this date has not been easy, but it has been the best year of her life. She’s matured this year. She’s started putting childish ideas and misunderstanding behind her, unsubscribed to lies and insecurities, and subscribed to the Truth. Her new life is beginning now, and her future seems brighter than ever, now that she is in the right frame of mind. A new vision of unrelenting faith and new hope is one of the many gifts she has received from her time on this path. She’s far from perfect, but she’s progressing everyday into the person God designed her to be.